Big Brother 11 - Jeff is Hawt but Dumb

I know we are getting down to the final stretch but this week was really boring.

Kev won HoH. Was it just me or did it look like the water from above was hovering very close to being directly above Kev's ball that he had to fill with water? Conspiracy, conspiracy. I donno but it looked suspicious.

Well surprise, surprise... Kev put Jeff and Michelle up. Deerrrrr!

Michelle won POV and Jordan went up.

Deerrrrr!

Nat continued to be a pain in the ass. She's just so annoying. Like a Gnat.

We get to meet Michelle's hubby Tim. He seems nice. I like Michelle. I also like Kev when he's not sippin at the Gnat Kool-Aid. Tim feels bad when Michelle is seen crying. Poor thing. He also says her memory problems are valid. Now word has it that Michelle told the BB'ers that her and Timmy are swingers. I can't see Timmy swinning it both ways but what do I know. They would seem like a nice American pie type of couple. I guess they like to get their freak on. Good on ya. Just don't wanna see any pics surfacing on the web of it.

Jury house is next. Lydia dyed her hair black. Jesse is obviously being serviced and was being cold towards her durin the taping cause she is poking him and asking why he's being cold towards her. Duhhh Lydia, he doesn't want anyone to know you and him are suckin each other's no-no areas. Dummy!! So while the two of them are sitting waiting on Jeff walkin through the Jury house's door in walks Russ shouting "technotronics... technotronics" whatever the hell he means by that reference.

Jesse does something very odd here. In Hulk Hogan style he then proceeds to rip off his wife beater tshirt. Why? His obvious homosexual desire for Russell to see his chest? Maybe. It seemed strange but oddly routine for Jesse. Does he do this a lot? Rip off his shirt at inopportune times? Let's bet the farm on this and say "yes". Ahuh.

Then Lydia informs Russ that Gnat is really 24. Jesse let the cat out of the bag on that one. They all seem pissed about it. So pissed that if she made it to F2 with Jeff, they'd vote for Jeff to win. Interesting, huh? Did I cheer out loud and giggle like a school girl when I heard this? Damn right I did! I want to see the Gnat Win BB11 train leave the station with no one on board.

Back to the show. While giving speeches, Jordan nearly gives the viewing audience an upskirt when she sits back down. Then Jeff who is so freakin' hawt tries to pull a vote from Nat out of the air. Ain't happening. All it does is piss Kev off who comments about it as he's breaking the tied votes. Jeff hugs everyone except Kev. Don't think Kev cared much but then again is he thinkin about how he's always the one with the blood on his hands while Nat plays the jury votes? Nope, obviously not.

Jeff leaves the house and gets a standing ovation from the crowd. No goodbye messages either.

Who will win HoH now? Please I hope its not Gnat. I want her gone this week!

Big Brother 11 - Let's Backdoor Someone!

Instead of wanting to get rid of Kevin and GNat-A-Lie, we are treated to a week of let's backdoor Russell instead. Did Jeff fart out his brains? I know Jordan's went missing but Jeff, come on buddy.

Jeff won the HoH spot. Jordan rode his coat-tails all the way to the room and transplanted herself there. If only they knew that Jesse's DNA is all over that bed. Ick and Eww!

The best quote this week is this one:

Jeff: "If we send Russ home this week, who do you think Nat/Kev will target?"
Jordan: "Us."

gNat-a-Lie makes me sick (again) this week with her constant testimonials about never lying in the house and never one time went back on her word (she's doing it right now). Unfortunately, Jeff and Jordan are drinking the Gnat Kool-aid and its the beginning of the end of all things Jeff and Jordan. Dumb fukkas.

Michelle and Russ are all still very much into the F2 deal with each other. Not that it matters much. Russell is basically toast. He knows it, Michelle knows it (we think) and all is not right in the BB house.

Shit is gonna hit the fan but good. I do love a good BB fight.

Well since J&J are on the Let's Help Kev & GNat To F2 Train, Russell is getting backdoored this week. Jeff confirms this when he wins POV, takes Kevin off and puts Russell up. Russell is pissed! Like Meatheat meet my fist pissed.

I won't go into it too much cause Jeff lost a lot of points in my book this week. Not cause he screwed Russ in their final four deal but because of the words he used while fighting with Russell.
Jeff said to Russell, 'way to show your true colors, fag.' Russell replied, 'Hey, why do you hate on gay people, one? Why do you hate on gay people? If you want to call me a bitch, call me a bitch, but that’s just kind of stupid.' Jeff replied, 'That is pretty much calling you a bitch, man, [indecipherable] gay people.'"

Jeff says, “Fuck you, you fucking homo faggot” and “you fucking jealous fags.”

Clearly Jeff has problems he needs to address. I know this is a game but those are horrible words to use towards someone. Horrible. I actually detest that word more than I do the offensive word towards black people.

Jordan gets in on the act too by running over to Russell and chest punting him. That's the only way I can describe it. She hit her big tit-tays off his chest. Go figure. He called her fat and told her to go eat more cookie dough. Well, he does have a point. She is turning into the Pillsbury Dough Boy. Obviously an emotional/stress eater our girl Jordan is. She's packed it on. Anyway, nothing worse than telling a lady that she's fat. That pissed her off to the point of chest thumping him. No penalty nom, no throwing off the show. So chest thump's are okay.

Phew! What does it matter anyway? I think its the start of the end of team J&J. Way to go listening to Kev and gNat.

On the live eviction show we get to see the Jury House. What the eff is Jesse wearing? Those pink spandex pants with stars on them. They are from one of the POV's, right? He kept them? Ohhhh boy. Then we see Jesse posing as only he can in his douchbaggery way. Get over yourself lad, everyone else has. We didn't like you last season and we probably detest you even more this season. Way to go!

Lydia shows up at the jury house. She said she was gonna be like a lady scorned. Nope. She is all about hugging, giggling and girlie punches. Well, we know what sorta action is gonna be happenin in that jury house and I'm sure it involved Lydia's mouth and hands. Jesse just laying there with a full length mirror so he can stare at himself while Lydia gets down to bizness.

Nat's final plea speech was basically a pie in Russell's face. Saying that she knew she was safe. Period. Sit the eff down monkey face. Sadly we will all need to listen and watch GNat eat for another week. Her jaw is something else. Ever see her eat? It's nuts. She grunts like an angry ape. The front of her mouth moves so fast like a chipmunk possessed. I'll need to get a .gif of it somehow. Next up is Russell. Russell then tells them he tried to take his game plan from some of the "greats" like Evel Dick, Dr. Will and Boogie. There is only ONE great in that line up and that is Dr. Will. Boogie sucked and still does (sometimes suckery just never leaves you. It's like a tattoo for some - once you get it, you got it) and the only thing Russ did that was like Dick was yell. Big whoop. So did Crazy James. The thought of that kid makes me want to scrub my body with Brillo and bleach. Well since J&J are blind this week we say....Bye Russell, it was fun.

Oh and the lamest line in Season 11 - "You got GOT". This is the best you people could come up with? (eye roll) Jeff will probably go next cause if he's relying on Jordan winning HoH, he's dumber than I thought.

Big Brother 11 - Captain UniTURD bites it

Ohhhh man, what a week! Firstly, Michelle wins HoH and promptly puts Tranny and Gnat on the block.

Either one can go. Hopefully its both. Double eviction is coming up! Yessssss!!!

There was a funeral of sorts for Jesse. Yeah. Cry me a river. Lydia, Chima and Nat sat around and cried like the damn fool died and went to hell. He's in the damn jury house fools.

Well Kev rolled his eyes and made the thing much more laughable. I (heart) Kev. Tranny's weave must have been too tight cause then she said that she was the World Trade Center and Russell was the planes that hit it. Bitch has nerve. I hate her. I want her ass gone. Its bad enough she called him a terrorist cause he's Lebonese but lets add insult to injury here. Dumb ass needs to go and quick. Make it happen Allison Grodner, pleaaaaassse?

My wish was granted! Chima was removed from the BB house. AMEN SISTAH!

She was a bitch, she thought she was driving that train and Allison came in and quickly told the bitch she wasn't. Step off girl, you gone. Lay-tah! She didn't even make it to the damn jury house. They asked her to go to the DR and once she got in there, she was gone. Hahahaha. I loved it. I watched it over a few times just to make sure it was for reals. Kisses to AG. She rocks.

Gnat got her little panties all in a twist and blamed Michelle for this! How dare she play this game! How dare Michelle do this to her favorite Tranny?!?! Damn her!

The next morning Michelle tells the hg's that her reign is now over thanks to Chima being EVICTED from the game and a new HoH will be played. Jordan wins! Well, Jeff gave it to her. Lydia acted like a nasty little not getting her way child. She made nasty comments to Jordan calling her a ho. Oh how funny is that? I hope Jules brings that up at the finale. Lydia jerked Jesse off in the house while all Jordan did was give Jeff a smootch or two. Who she calling a ho, HO? Well on the plus side of the HoH; Lydia won a red Captain Unitard she had to wear for a week. Thank you BB Gods.

Lydia stomped and cried all the way into the DR. Jeff tried to keep the peace. GNat-a-lie told everyone that she tried to calm Lydia down but she can't control her. All the while little monkey girl is actually instigating matters by telling Lydia crap that people apparently said about her and things Lydia should do to people. Nice one Nat, hope you are next. You suck. I would normally shed a tear with the phone call from home but I didn't. I actually felt sorry for that man sitting in his little cubicle not knowing that half the country thinks his daughter sucks.

Jordan put Lydia and GNatALie up for eviction. Could both go this week? We really see the true side of gNat this week. She was showing her colors since the beginning but because she kept hiding behind Jesse and then Chima we never got the full exposure of what is Gnat. She's mean. I hate mean and hateful players. She's both.

Jordan wins POV. Keeps the noms the same. Lydia continues to act like a 7 year old who has behavioral problems all the while wearing the Captain UniTURD outfit. Douche.

Someone wrote on a message board that Lydia once worked for the McCartney's. As in Paul and his ex Heather. She was their nanny. NANNY? For reals? Who would want this over sized baby with a emotional age of a toddler bringing up their children? Surely Paul is smarter than that. His shit-for-brains ex (gold digging MoFo) shouldn't let Lydia around their little Beatle ever again. Heck, Lydia will be lucky if she gets another Nanny gig after this. Cause I sure as hell wouldn't let her walk my dog nevermind take care of a child of mine. Rant over. Continue callers....

Lydia was evicted. Yippee-Ki-Yay! There she goes walking out the door in her UniTurd outfit. She had managed to make it all the worse by dying her hair pink before her eviction. Dumb broad.

Big Brother 11 - Chima - Devil's spawn

Tranny Chima won HoH. She put Lydia and Russell up for nominations. Gnat and Jesse worried about the mystery power and figured either Jordan or Jeff had it.

Luckily Jordan must have been smacked by the smart fairy and realized what was going down and wasn't buying into it. While Jesse wasn't busy suckin up to J&J, he was busy being pesky towards Russell about not giving him the opportunity to play for POV because Russ picked Jeff instead. Ohhh poor ole Jesse, things are turning against him. Is his reign gone? Has everyone stopped playing just to get Jesse into the finals? Hopefully! Jesse then makes things more crazy for Russell by blockin him from talking strategy with Michelle. This causes Russell to go semi-nuts..

Meanwhile, at the ranch, Tranny Queen herself is busy telling everyone who will listen (who is left of Team Jesse,) that if Jeff has the mystery power she'll blow bigger than a M-16 on the Fourth of July on the live show. She rants that if that mystery power is used then her HoH reign was useless and why bother making her HoH if her noms ain't gonna stick?!?! DAMN YOU BIG BROTHER!!! Girl ain't kidding. Hasn't she realized that effing about with production of a live show is a sure fire way to get your ass kicked off that show? Doesn't she work for some online entertainment channel? Bitch, please. Shut up and fix your busted ass weave.

Shhhhheeeeesh! Save the drama for your momma.

This week the viewing audience gets to meet Chima's family. By family I mean grandma, grandpa and her friend (who looks oddly familiar but donno why) We don't learn anything new about Chima except that grandma doesn't like Chima and Russell's fights. She wants some "civility" in the house. Does grandma know this is Big Brother and "civility" isn't a word used to describe this show? Ohhh grandma, you funny!

Next is the Coup D'Etat Mystery Wizard Power that can make mere mortals quiver and shreak in anger and threats! Use it Jeff! Use it Jeff! Use it Jeff! Jeff stands up.... yesssss!! Jordan's face.. well girl's mouth dropped faster than Lindsay Lohan's pants at an all you can eat lesbian buffet! I mean it was priceless. Thank God the BB production crew was on that shit and had the right camera angle. Then Chen-bot tells the hg's what the power means. Ohhhh Chima, you dumb bitch. Explode, self combust.. do something. Let your weave run away and hide under the damn table. Don't sit there stone faced and mumble "i knew it". This is the reason they pre-taped the damn "live" show cause of your threats. They were worried you would freak. Spoil sport!

Jesse basically realizes he's done. Turn him over cause he's done. Jeff first takes Lydia off the block and replaces her with Natalie! If Jesse was already gone from this house, I'd be shouting for Gnat to be banished. But let's hope that is soon. Patience, patience. Then Jeff takes Russell off the block and replaces him with Jesse. Well being the biggest douchebag in the world Jesse takes off his shirt only to reveal another shirt underneath that one. The new one states "THE MAN.. THE MYTH.. THE LEGEND" with a picture of said douchebag on it. Who the hell gets a picture of themselves on a shirt with some stupid ass saying like that? I can only guess he did. Who else would? He probably stares at it while pleasuring himself on a daily basis outside the house (cause Lydia has been doing it for him in the house).

Jessse is voted out 3-2. Only shakes hands with those that actually voted for him to stay and he's gone to the jury house. Cya skidmark. As douchy leaves Chima or her busted weave mumble something about "having a talk with production" like she's in charge there. Bitch, your reign is over. You ain't the HBIC no mo'! Bwahahahahaha!

Jesse comes out the door. I'm surprised the audience applauded but I guess they had to. He basically blames the American public for ousting him this time (you are VERY welcome asswipe) because of America's choice in the Coup D'eff off Jesse. Ahhh, I love Big Brother. Jules then asks THE MAN, why he slept so damn much instead of kissing Jeff's ass. He basically ignores that question and side steps it. Cya bitch!

Back to the show... Michelle wins HoH! I like her, I have faith she'll do the right thing and get rid of that tranny mess called Chima. Either she gets rid of her or BB have a hand in it. Doesn't she know you don't eff with Allison Grodner and her production team? Dumb biznatch! I hope its the end of Chima. I do.

Oh and Gnat, who ya gonna fetch and retrieve for now? Hahahaha!!!

Big Brother 11 - America loves Jeff

Well of course America gave the Coup D'Etat to Jeff. There was no one else worthy of using it. Besides Jordan and maybe Kevin, everyone else is either drinking the Jesse Kool-Aid or wacking him off.

Russell won HoH. He won and then developed paranoia. It'll destroy ya. Meathead puts up Lydia and Ronnie. Yay! Either one could go and no one would give a shite. Lydia sucks in more ways than one and Ronnie is as annoying as the Gnat that buzzes around Jesse. Russell picks a fight with Chima. They go head to head - literally - a few times. Shouting in each other's faces. I'm screaming "smack him Chima, smack him" at my tv. Not cause I want to see physical harm come to Russell. I just want to see BB throw Chima's sorry ass weave out of that house. She's annoying and a vile.

Michelle wins POV and doesn't use it. That girl is on a roll! She deserves to win this game. Playing under the radar, floating, winning pov's. Girl has got game. Julie reveals that Jeff won the Coup D'Etat. She doesn't tell the HG's... just us. I knew he'd win that. He's the man! But seriously folks, who the hell else would you give it to? There is no one besides Michelle and maybe Kevin who are likeable in that house. Jordan is likeable but she wouldn't know how to use that. She probably can't even figure out how to read cause you gotta know how to open a book first. Yanno?

Chen-bot gives the man of mystery power the option to use it and he doesn't (however the HG's still don't know who it is so just sit there looking at each other) and the fun begins. First up is Lydia who is done up like something from The Thing That Ate Detroit complete with a black bar across her eyes. Nice use of makeup honey. Is that why you call yourself a makeup artist? Ronnie then goes with his bad self and his speech on why he should stay. He calls Michele "the worst human being he's ever seen" and tells her he feels sorry for her. Nice shit for brains. He finally grows a pair and goes after the quiet Michelle. Arsehole. I laugh cause Ronnie didn't even make the jury house. Ahhh, there is justice. Hopefully he goes home and studies why he sucked so bad in this game after propping himself up as Big Brother's biggest fan. Biggest fanny more like.

Julie calls Ronnie out on his hyprocritical behavior towards Michelle. I love you Chen-bot!

The HoH ends with Chima, Kevin and GNat. Go Kevin!!!!!! Unfortunately Tranny-girl wins. Our only saving grace is Jeff with his mystery power and hopefully will get rid of Jesse or Gnat this week.

And Chima, shut up!

Big Brother 11 - They get wacked! Well sorta..

Our favorite Chen-bot is looking cute in a purple shirt. She's probably the reason I watch this show. It's not cause of the mismatched hg's they put in here. She tells us the cliques are being dissolved - a pointless theme. Who the hell thought that crap up should be banished from reality tv writing.

Jordan figures out that everyone is following Jesse. The fact that Jordan figured this out before Jeff and Casey is baffling. For that alone Casey deserves to leave. We find out that Lydia likes to watch Jesse sleep and do things to him while he's in his slumber. Its implied that she would like to kill him (insert Psycho theme music).

Julie gets to the Q&A. Lydia lies and tells our Chen-bot that her problem with GNat is about beds. Bitch please! Gnat won't tell her what the deal is between them either. Jessie reveals nothing about the little triangle of hate that is going on between the three of them either or the fact that Lydia is giving him a little hand relief.

Back to the living room and Jordan gives a speech like she's staying and Casey gives a speech like dead man walking - complete in banana suit. Why the humiliation of making a grown man walk out of the house wearing a banana suit? The fact that he wanted on this show to begin with is humiliation enough, no? He does start a fight with Jesse before he leaves with Gnat defending her man. He tells her to go make Jesse a sandwich.

Julie then tells the HG's that the cliques are over and there is a "mystery power". We find out (but not the HG's) that the Coup D'Etat is back. All the hg's are told is that America will pick the winner of this power and only the winner will be informed they have it. (secretly hopes Jeff gets this since everyone is drinkin the Jesse Kool-Aid and Jordan is too dumb to understand what it means). Then the hg's head to the backyard for the HoH comp. There awaits circular swings for them to sit on while being wacked with a giant foam diploma. Ohhhh this is the best HoH comp ever! I only wish the diploma had more of a spring reflex so those babies would go zooming into it and then into each other. No such luck though. Dammit. I hope Jeff wins this but with the way things are going it'll probably be Ronnie again.

Oh and Ronnie.. shut the hell up!

Big Brother 11 - The Jesse Show

Jesse puts Michelle and Jordan on the block for eviction. He tells everyone his plan is to backdoor Ronnie. Why the rest of the puppets don't see that Ronnie is following Jesse like flies on shit, is beyond everyone who is actually watching the show - except the houseguests. Even the hotness that is Jeff is convinced Jesse will get rid of Ronnie.

Chima the tranny says that Casey would be a much better target. Kevin and Lydia then jump on the Jesse train and think Casey is a better option to leave. Dummies. Casey is in their clique but who the hell is thinking about that. Let's get Jesse to the end of BB11 and win this guys! Yay! Of course they are the only people who are currently in the USA who want that. Everyone else in the country is shouting at their t.v.'s to stop drinking the Jesse Kool-aid!

The BB nomads then play Truth or Dare to kill some time from the "Let's Help Jesse Win BB!!" fest. Ronnie is told to run up to Casey and give him a 20 second hug. Hmmm. Casey hates Ronnie. Ronnie KNOWS this as well as everyone else but does it anyway. Everyone giggles and falls into a heap of laughter. The bright white lightblulb goes off in Casey's head that maybe not everyone hates Ronnie as much as they are saying they do. Duhhhh.

POV is up and Casey plays but Ronnie isn't chosen. Since Casey isn't in on the lets backdoor Casey plan, he decides to throw the POV and take a margarita party instead of his own safety. He deserves to go just for that dumb-ass move alone. For his dumbness he then has to wear a banana suit. Ha! Ha! Ha! Michelle gets a mouth full of mud trying to win the POV and succeeds! You go girl! Had to rewind to watch that a few times.

Jesse talks to Michelle who quickly understands that Jesse is in total control of the game. Kevin tries to inform Lydia that its not in their interest to get Casey out since they are all in the same clique. I knew I liked Kevin. Since Lydia is hanging on to Jesse's package in the darkness of the HoH room (insert slurping sounds), she doesn't get it and starts the "Lets backdoor Casey" rumor which promptly gets back to Casey. When Casey pleads with Jesse for safety, it falls on deaf if not meatfilled ears and when Michelle takes herself off the block, Jesse (wearing cowboy hat and hiding behind sunglasses) puts Casey up. Can anyone say "douchbaggery"?

So we have Jordan and Casey up for eviction.

Btw, Ronnie you suck.

Big Brother 11 - House 1 - Ronnie 0

As predicted, Russell spent the week bullying braindead and resident jockstrap sucker little Ronnie Talbott. Usually you'd root for the underdog but Ronnie is making that really hard to do. My six year old mini yorkie could kick Ronnie's ass. So Russell picking on Ronnie is really like fighting a super retard. You win but in the end you beat a retard.

Ronnie played both sides all week. Turning cliques against each other with him in the middle laughing his shitty y-fronts off. Ronnie wanted Russell gone but was too scared to pull it off.

So Little Ronnie Talbott put up Jeff and Laura. Jeff being the super human hotness that he is won POV and Ronnie put Jordan up in his place. Laura tells Ronnie that she will offer him safety if she stays. Ronnie tells Laura that she needs to convince Jesse and if she does that all will be fine in the BB universe for her. Well Jesse doesn't like Laura. Probably cause in the real world he can't get within 100 feet of women who are nearly as attractive as what she is.

Ronnie makes a very bad mistake of throwing Russell under the bus with a lie that he is going to campaign for Laura to stay. Dummie. Haven't you heard of BACKDOORING, Ronnie? It's a classic BB move and for someone who calls himself a BB fan, Ronnie sure is dumb about the game. When Ronnie is confronted about his lie by the house, he says it was a private conversation between him and Laura and it needs to stay private. Whaaaa? Laura is there, confronting him about it in front of everyone, shouting at him about it and he's still sayin it needs to stay private. LAME!!! Btw, Ronnie claims to be a national persuasive speaking champ. Bwahahahahahahaha. Oh man, THAT is funny. He couldn't persuade an alcoholic to jump in a vat of beer in a brewery!

Ronnie then scurries up to the HoH room and hides out for a few days surviving on Pringles and chips. He's only forced out when BB tells him to go to the DR. Russell then shows why wee Ronnie Talbott is in hiding. Cause every time Ronnie comes out Russell torments him as he preabulates through the house going from HoH to DR and back again. Well the theme is High School people. Ronnie sits in his HoH hell hole and cries. Sitting on his bed looking at a picture of his wife (yeah, someone is married to THAT). Sad.

Back to the show and Julie, who is wearing what can only be described as old lady chic, starts the Q&A. Natalie forgets that we all have tv's and informs the viewing public that everyone is united against Ronnie. Duhhhh. Monkey girl who has shit for brains needs a lobotomy. She's turned into some tomboy who has an infatuation for Jesse. Lord help us now. Ronnie makes up some excuse when Julie asks him about his double dipping ways. I can't even transcribe it cause it made no sense. I'm only guessing he shit himself cause Jules actually adressed him and was preoccupied with that to come up with a tactful excuse.

Then we hear from the nominees. Jordan rambles about wanting a Big Mac (whaaa?). Laura tells everyone to vote what is best for them in the game. Isn't that everyone's mantra when up on the block? I'm sick of hearing that year after year. I wish BB would give anyone who said that during their speech a penalty vote against them. Anyway... Laura goes only with GNat giving her a vote. Why'd she give Laura a vote? Who the hell knows. Monkey girl is odd.

HoH comp sucked cause Jesse won. The only good thing about that is he can't vote Jeff out cause Jeff is in his clique. There is a BB God.

First LIVE elimination.

Well, well, well. Resident tranny Chima started off by defending herself from eviction by calling Braden "a racist and misogynist who deserves to go home". Chen-bot called it the "most memorable speech we've ever heard (from a tranny)". Most of what she said was bleeped out cause the FCC has problems with racist and misogynist talk. Damn them!

We were treated a few times to Laura's breasts. I think the camera men and operators must be mostly men who have a tit facination cause those cameras swivel quickly when Laura shows up in a room. Zooooom.

We also found out that Jeff thinks "technotronics" is a word and Russell hates that Jeff thinks that. Rut roh. Athletes in the same clique think one is smarter than the other. Battle of the wits? Nope. I think Russ wants to backdoor Jeff and not in the typical BB way.

Braden was evicted and the audience obviously didn't give a shite that he was a racist or whatever else TrannyChima called him. Naaah. They applauded wildly when he emerged from the BB house.

Ronnie became the new HoH and said "I run this show"more times than he's crapped himself since he walked into the house (I'm guessing). He's wayyy up Jesse's butt too.

Let's see who Ronnie puts up for eviction. Michelle and Tranny are saved cause they are in the same clique as Ronnie. How the hell Chima ended up in that clique is a mystery but then again they didn't have a "effed up weave" clique.

Big Brother 11 Premier

Craig Ferguson summed it up to the Chen-bot on his show Wednesday when he said, its "a whole new batch of skanks and hos". Well said Craig. (I love Craig. He's the funniest Scot to come out of that cold little lovely country next to Big Yin, Billy Connelly).

Anyway.. they started the show with the usual round up of "Meet the Houseguests" and we get a peek into the obviously scripted found their BB key segments. Then we get to watch the hg's clinging onto toilet seats while wearing giant diapers. Ronnie is used to this - and will probably win it, I'm thinking. Nope, dumb ass fell. And here I thought his ass was used to such shannanagans.

The shittiest (pun) twist this season is that a past hg is gonna have the chance to come into the house and play again. Damn! When I see the line up I'm pissed beyond belief cause Season 10 resident asshole himself, Jessse, is there. Brian from last season is there.. looking the same. Jessica from BB9 is back with a brand new nose and then there is Cowboy. Remember him? He's the one who ... who... ummm... he sucked. Anyway.. Of course I immediately start begging to the BB Gods not to let this happen. I thought we had seen the last of the King of Douch-ery.

Then the worst possible thing happens. Gorilla and self loving Jesse and his team the Meatheads, I mean the Athlete's win. The only saving grace is Jeff is in that clique and is saved from being voted out this week. The sad news is that Jesse is the new HoH. Figures he would get a free pass. WHY BIG BROTHER, WHY????

Meet the new BB 11 Houseguests

Meet the Big Brother 11 Houseguests for 2009.

Here are the folks we will be talkin about, postin about, watching three days a week or more (whether or not you subscribe to the 24/7 live feeds) and basically shouting at until the middle of September.

Wheeeeeeee!!

Let the character assassinations begin!

This is Little Ronnie Talbott from Belpre, Ohio. He's a married 30 year old man.

Seriously???

If they never told us that, I would have said single 30 year old virgin who still wets his pants...... as a hobby.

Is BB for real? Is this year's theme "Special Need Adults"?I bet he rode the short bus and licked the damn windows.

He is gonna be crying like a bitch before he leaves this house. Someone is gonna pants him and give him a super wedgie and Ronnie is gonna be screamin for his momma to help him.

Ronnie looks like weasel meat. He is gonna piss the wrong people off very quickly.

This is Natalie Martinez. A store manager from Gilbert, AZ. She's 24.

Her hair is screaming for conditioner. Hell Suave conditioner would even help this mess. I hope there is still a "no open flame" rule in that BB house cause girl's head will go up faster than the damn Hinderburg! POOF!

The only vibe I'm getting from monkey face is that she looks a little tomboyish. Can't see her having a showmance. Can see her being a pain in the ass though. She's gonna hate all the pretty girls that's for sure.

Meet Russell Kairouz. He's 24 from Walnut Creek, CA

Resident Meathead? Ohhhh yeah. He's gonna bust little Ronnie

Talbott's head in two if Ronnie doesn't give him his HoH goodies.

He ain't gonna take shit from no one. He'll make someone cry. Period. Or make someone bleed. Whatever. It's all about ratings.

I also don't think he'll last long cause the girls who are in this bunch don't go for meatheads.

This is Braden Bacha. He's a model, actor, surfer and poet.

Wait. Stop. Right There.

Poet?

More like Porn Star.

Make that Gay Porn Star.

Why do I say that? Cause my gaydar went from zero to sixty in .25 of a minute when I saw this picture.

Never judge a book by its cover? Yaaahhhh.. suurrrre. He's been doing porn. I'm sure of it. Here's a term I bet our friend Braden has heard: Pay to be gay.

Cha-ching! Not that there is anything wrong with that but don't put poet when porn star is whatcha do.

Anyway.. he's 28 and from Santa Monica, CA.

This is Casey. Casey Turner is from St. Petersburg, FL. He's 41.

My take on Casey is that he's probably a really young 41 year old. He's cool with people younger than him and can come down to their level. With this group, he's gonna need to.

He looks like an older Mike Boogie. That might not be a good thing. Especially if he starts acting like Boogie. Eff that. There can only be one Boogie in BB history cause otherwise people will stop watching and claw their eyeballs out if forced to watch another Boogie on BB.

What the hell in Rocky Horror sweet transvestite hell is this?

Apparently is a woman.

SHUT UP!!!!!!

Well CBS is telling us its name is Chima Simone.

I know, I know... Chima Simone?

HELLO!!! THIS is tranny. That busted WEAVE is tranny. I can't wait to see how girl is tuckin her junk away in the BB house with all those cameras around.

Tranny Barbie says she is 32 and a freelance journalist from West Hollywood, CA. Ahuh.

I'll leave it at that. But if there is dicky slippage don't say I didn't tell ya! Next!

For the love of.....

From one extreme to the next this year folks.

Here is Michelle Noonan.

She's a Neuroscientist from Pasadena, CA.

She's 27 and married.

Yawn! I'm already bored. She's gotta be nuts, right? Like mad scientist nuts. What neurowhatevercist goes on BB?

She'll go far if she keeps her smarts under wraps. These people will only be threatened by that. Ronnie is gonna hate her cause she'll have him figured out quickly. Plus she'll remind him of his eighth grade teacher who made him sit in his shitty pants cause she wouldn't let him go to the toilet.

I like her already. Go Michelle!

Eyes meet Jeff.

Jeff is 31 and def this seasons resident eye candy. Yum. Gimme a slice of that with cream on top!

He's from Norridge, IL. Blah, blah, blah... I wanna see some nude screen caps of this hot mess pronto!

Who cares what he does or anything else. Jeff, take that shirt off a little more honey.

I think Jeff is gonna be around a while cause BB knows hot guys bring in more viewers which increase ratings. It's all about the ratings.

There is a severe lack of hotness in this house (if you even count the hot tranny mess above) so Jeff might make it to the final four/three/two. Anyway, I hope he doesn't turn out to be a douche. That would suck.

Meet Jordan. She's 22 from North Carolina.

The eyes look vacant. She'll hook up with one of these guys. I'm guessing Jeff. He's hot. Why not?

What would you do if you have two and a half months locked in a studio with a tranny, Boogie look-a-like and a pay to be gay guy? I'd hit up Jeff. Like hard core hit up Jeff.

If she makes it further than half way its cause she's coat-tail riding. She probably still watches Barney the Purple Dinosaur and you know her favorite word is "Y'all" Yeah, she'll go far and not on her own. We haven't had a dumb blonde winner in BB yet, have we?

This is Kevin Campbell. Graphic Designer from Chula Vista, CA. Kevin is 29 and obviously the house gay.

I already love Kevin cause he looks like he's got style and flare and can be super bitchy. Hey, if you have nothing nice to say about anyone, come sit by me!

Hopefully he's not dumb. You can't be dumb in this house. You gotta have the smarts and be a good liar. But if you lie, be funny with it or we are gonna turn on your faster than herpes on Paris Hilton's no-no bits.

I want a Team Kevin t-shirt already. He has a fun and lovable face.

Name: Laura Cosby

Age: 21

Location: Atlanta, GA

Laura is the eye candy for the males. However, with the severe lack of hetro males in this house, Laura is basically history. Too bad, so sad.

She'll be one of the first to go. Unless she can cook like good ole' Aunty Paula Deen who is also from the south. Other than that, the girls won't like Laura and thus, girl is history.

This Kat Von D wanna-be is Lydia Tavera. She's 24 from Torrence, CA.

Girl has family issues and probably swings it both ways. I'm just saying.

She looks like she can be a beeeeotch which isn't a bad thing. Like a major pain in the ass bitch. She's gonna cause trouble and remember Puck from Real World? She's the female Puck IMO. Hell, maybe its his lil sister.

She'll be BFF's with my Kevin. She'll also hate Laura and have a problem with Braden (girls like her hate pretty boys) and wanna get all over Jeff (cause he's the only hotness in the house).